On Growth and Boundaries

A few months ago, I found a necklace that I used to wear that had broken and been put away to fix ‘later’. It’s a handmade chainmail choker necklace that I special ordered for myself for my birthday many years ago. I added a Sowilo / Sigel rune charm to it when I got it, and very rarely took it off. When I bought it, it was a symbol of “being me” – working and being in places where conforming to society is the standard, the necklace reminded me that I didn’t always have to keep “me” hidden – maybe keep some parts quiet and in the background - just noticeable… but not hidden.

I don’t remember exactly how long it’s been broken, but I was devastated when I couldn’t wear it anymore. I couldn’t figure out the link pattern so I could fix it, and didn’t know anyone nearby who did chainmail work to have them fix it for me. I made a few half-hearted attempts to fix it at the time, then put it away to come back to when I could really focus on it. I took it out a few times over the years, but never focused well enough to figure it out… you know, there’s always something else that “needs” done and this can wait. So I’d put it away, and ‘lose’ it, then find it again and try to fix it, then put it away … never ending cycle.

This last time I found it I showed it to a friend, and they helped me understand what was missing – it was just one link that needed to be woven back in with the rest, and voila! it would be fixed. Just one link – and I’d been making a mountain out of a molehill this whole time…. So I put the necklace where I could see it often, made sure it stayed on my mind, and after a couple months got what I needed to fix it and set out to get it done. And guess what happened :D I fixed it! I’ve been wearing it for a few weeks now and it has broken twice since then, but now I’m learning the process and the mistakes I’m making so I can do it better next time. 😊

Let me tell you, putting this necklace back on was like coming home. Coming home to me, to be precise. I have the charm back on the necklace that reminds me of my power within and the weight on my neck keeps me centered. I feel like I belong to myself now, like I can stand tall, take up space, speak up for myself, set boundaries… be a person that society doesn’t always like – isn’t that a funny thing to attribute to a necklace?

If you’re still with me, thanks for following along so far. 😊 I know I do ramble, but there is always a point. :D

This year has been a doozy. I still think of 20 years ago as being the 80s (yes, I’m that old) … I have trouble reconciling that my kids are close to 30 because I should be in my 30s LOL … and my anxiety showed up in ways it hasn’t in years when 2025 came around. We’re only halfway through, and I’m interested to see how the rest of the year goes lol. I did what we do as humans – stressed myself sick, hid out from the world, stepped back from a few things … then took stock and wondered what the f*ck I was allowing myself to do. Why the h*ll are we (the royal we, me myself and I) hiding when we know there’s work to be done?

I know what you’re thinking – I’ve posted about this type of stuff before :D You are correct! However, life is a spiral, and we come back to ourselves when there are new layers to explore, new lessons to learn, new secrets to uncover. Who are we (all of us) really? Deep down inside, under the masks, under the socially acceptable front, under the skin – down deep in the heart of the matter, so to speak … WHO ARE WE?

Are we human? Yes and No. Are we Divine? Yes and No. Are we earthbound, tied to our mundane life, seeking earthly pleasures and rewards, or otherworldly, floating in the clouds, listening to our intuition and being one with all? Both. Do we allow ourselves to BE, to speak, to stand, to dance, to create, to fully enjoy the moment and integrate every little life lesson as it comes along? Yes and No.

While I was still looking at my necklace this time around, waiting for the ‘right moment’ to come along to fix it, those things were running through my mind. Who AM I? Who do I WANT to be? A couple years ago I learned it’s okay not to pick up all the pieces when everything shatters into a million bits – so which ones do I need to put down now before I shatter? Should I just let myself shatter and see what happens? (Not this time, thank the Gods :D )

The main question was – where was my missing link? Which piece of me needed to be rewoven to complete the pattern? Followed by the question, why am I not giving myself the grace and time to fix me?

I “remembered” to listen – listen to my thoughts, to my body, to my triggers, to those parts of me that haven’t had a voice in a long time… “Remembered” because this is something we know, but don’t always think about, yes? We get mired in the sludge and stay there, until we remember there is always a way out of the quicksand – a helping hand, a random stone, a vine, something. <3

Last year sometime, after I had put myself back together the year before (at least the pieces that I wanted), I gave myself permission to BE – to bring out the parts of me that hadn’t seen the light in awhile – the parts under the mask. They came out slowly, cautiously, blinking in the light, making sure the world was an okay place to be. There is a lot of turmoil, a lot of uncertainty, a lot of things happening out there, to be sure! Right here in my little corner of the world, however, I created my own safe space, and I was so excited to step out past the mask! The feeling of freedom from myself was exhilarating and I was excited about life! I cannot express how wonderful it was to introduce myself to myself again, the person I once was integrating with the person I am now – woven together to create who I want to be. <3

I forgot to set boundaries though. I forgot to remind myself that these new/old parts may not always fit where I’ve always been – masks fall away and life changes, right? And those parts of me ran into some uncomfortable places (that I have to say I created) and ran straight back for their boxes. Here’s the thing though – those boxes are not the right size or shape anymore, are they? No matter how much you try, the cute neat little packages that used to hold the messy bits don’t anymore, once the messy bits have had room to spread out.

I created new boxes for them to fit in, but they were too restrictive. I created boxes with movable walls that could change shape at will – it was great at first, but then I felt suffocated. I put too many pieces of my Self in the same box and they decided they didn’t get along well in a small space. <-- And this right here, friends, is where Anxiety lives in my world. It leads to overthinking, sleepless nights, inability to focus and engage, and a very bad memory. And sometimes it feels like the more anxious we are, the more anxiety we create, right? While we're trying to find a way out and don't know how?

When I finally recognized the pattern, I remembered about the boundaries. That was the missing piece all along – to take stock and understand what you will and won’t allow in your life. And you know what I learned just a couple days ago? I started typing this Wednesday morning, and attended a workshop Wednesday night – guess what the topic was 😊 Setting boundaries – what we will allow in our lives – what do we want to see in our lives – who are we really? Validation that I’m not the only one going through transformation and major shifts in the Year of the Snake. :D

Once I realized the pattern, I was able to put my necklace back together – a physical manifestation of allowing myself to BE. I had the answer right there the whole time! Once I remembered that it’s okay to “open my eyes”, the necklace practically fixed itself, and those parts of me that I’ve been missing forever stepped back out of their boxes for good.

At this point in the past, I have said “I feel more like me than I have in a long time”. I realize now that that wording is incorrect. Now the statement is “I AM me” period. My newly rediscovered pieces don’t look like I remember them, and I’m okay with that. I am giving myself grace, watching for the triggers, and unlearning patterns that served a purpose once upon a time. Will I falter? Absolutely. Will I regress? Absolutely. Will I stay there? F*ck no. I plan to learn from every step along the way and remember my voice.

I will leave you with these thoughts, friends, as we all walk on our journeys 😊 Once we connect with that Inner Spark and remember who we truly are – human and Divine – we can give our Selves permission to be whole. In the end, we are the ones that hold that power, correct? To give ourselves permission? The spirit is boundless, limitless, expansive – and does not need to live in a box. It is okay to live outside that box! Do we need to have an identity as a projected perception for acceptance? or just Exist? Do we use our boundaries for protection to keep everything out? or do we use them to declare our space – to show our Selves and others what we will and won’t allow? Every person has the right to choose, just remember to listen to the why’s when you do and do what's best for you. <3